Any Big Plans for the Weekend?

A lifetime ago but within this lifetime, my holidays were spent hosting or attending family gatherings. Every holiday and every birthday- my own, kids’, siblings’, spouses’, parents’, etc. brought about a party, a picnic, or some kind of get-together.

I don’t know if it was my introverted personality or perhaps the family members who seemed to put the “f” in the f-word that family happens to be, but as much as I love(d) them, these gatherings brought me much more stress and grief than joy. Yet I kept about the charades for many years because that’s what was expected and it was easier to conform. 

However, when I finally found myself single and without family (other than my kids), the holidays would roll around and there I was, wallowing in my own self pity for having to spend them alone. Talk about someone you just can’t make happy! No more family picnics, parties, obligations, entertaining, etc. Yet on the rare occasion that I’d get invited, I gave an automatic “no.” It seemed I just wanted the option of being around family and friends, but to not have to follow through on it.

Fast forward to the present. Holidays find me happy, relieved, smiling, peaceful, joyful, and primarily alone other than my kids. With few exceptions I no longer want to be invited, I no longer want to host, and I no longer feel devalued by not being social or “busy.” My happiness lies in remaining at center- typically in the peace and quiet, my own thoughts and energy, minding my own business, doing whatever I want to do, and in the company of just my kids (when they’re here), and my pets. 

I cannot express how much I don’t miss the stories about what so-and-so is doing, where he or she is working, where you’re going shopping this weekend, what’s on sale, what the current headlines or tv shows are, etc. The gratitude and joy I feel in missing out on these things is beyond measure. And I say this with love not upsettedness. I wasn’t built for those situations or conversations. And until recently, I never knew it was okay to not be built for those things. There’s a peace I feel in not feeling obligated to participate in these things, and I know while I might be in the minority here I certainly can’t be the only one!